


In The Abyss Ephemeris

by ix_tab



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Death, Found Family, Future Fic, Healthy Grieving Processes, M/M, Magic as a maladaptive coping mechanism, Minor Original Character(s), Past Character Death, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:34:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26774461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ix_tab/pseuds/ix_tab
Summary: In the 800th season of knowing Essek, Caduceus sits with him and they talk ethics in magic, while the flowers of their friends bloom and brighten the Grove.Caleb observes, shows off his cat, and is cared for.And in the end, it comes down to love.
Relationships: Caduceus Clay & Caleb Widogast, Caduceus Clay & Essek Thelyss, Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast, The Mighty Nein & Essek Thelyss
Comments: 21
Kudos: 186





	In The Abyss Ephemeris

**Author's Note:**

> This ended up mostly being about love and grief. I wasn't expecting that. There is no death within the story, past death and future death is mentioned and discussed. Oddly, this is sort of a love letter to the Nein, but I'm not sure who exactly from.
> 
> Title from Major Parkinson's song "Night Hitcher"

Caduceus does not look up, as he tracks the gentle hum of Essek's levitation through the winding paths of the Blooming Grove. It is meandering, and he knows that Essek is saying greetings to friends before he attempts to talk to him, a friend that can answer back. And the freesias had come into full blossom over Beau's grave. It would be a pity to not let him breathe for a moment.

"It's always lovely here," Essek says quietly, coming up to stand near him. Caduceus allows himself the luxury of a full body stretch, letting his rake drop. He is not an intimidating man, he is fairly sure. But he at least wants Essek to know that even if he is welcome, its not entirely casual.

Essek looks up at him, smile settling into something a little more introspective.

"Still not happy with me, Caduceus?" he asks, and Caduceus sighs in return. He is not. But disapproval doesn't mean a lack of love, and 800 seasons, give or take after first knowing Essek, he hasn't stopped loving him, like he loves all of the Mighty Nein. Well, perhaps not quite as much.

Essek follows him, hovering as he picks up the watering can to give the lemon myrtle flourishing from Fjord a little drink. They don't speak again, until the distant noise attracts both their attention. Laughing softly, Caduceus' oldest niece plays with Frumpkin, and the newest one, still mostly talking in baby babble, has taken to climbing on Caleb. Caleb lets his hair be tugged on, and a corner of his fine robes be gnawed on.

Caleb, younger then he has any right to be. Physically, younger than he had been when Caduceus had first opened the door to the collection of rage filled mourners in his grave yard. But no young man moves with the knowledge Caleb does. No young man flickers his fingers with magic to give Frumpkin lights to chase, while shifting the large baby on his hip. He is practised and smooth, supremely in control. Age has always been a funny thing for Caduceus, but he's known a fair few just out of adolescent humans now. Their presence is not Caleb's.

"Once, I was shocked, but I understood. I could see what led you to walk that path. Twice I accepted. But this is the third time. You truly intend on not letting him rest?" Caduceus holds Essek's gaze, firmly. There is not even a speck of guilt or regret in his stare.

"He was so angry with me, the first time. We had never spoken of it before. It was a breach of trust. I knew he had the clone spell in his books, and I knew he'd taken it from Halas, who had created monstrosities. But...he gets wounded so easily, Caduceus. And humans live for a handful of years at best. I could not let him go." He and Essek have had this conversation, and variations thereof several times over the years now.

The clone spell feels unnatural as a process. A rebuke of the Mother. But there is nothing unnatural about Caleb and his youthful body, he is not corrupted or polluted by undeath. The thought of Essek forming that first clone without Caleb's knowledge is a deep and possibly unhealthy held hurt but...he has known Essek for centuries now. Being with the Nein and their descendants helped the man grow beyond his narrow views, birthed in him real empathy. But the innate selfishness of a man who started a war for spell knowledge is still there. Creating a body without asking or considering Caleb's views? It was almost benign.

"Even if he has problems with it, he won't say no now, because he loves you," Caduceus says. Essek looks away at that, odd flicker across his face. Essek has never liked to face up to hard truths, but holding up that harsh mirror is both a sacred duty and something that Caduceus personally takes a little, mean pleasure from.

Sometimes growth is a little harsh, like frost on spring shoots. The water freezes, the plant struggles and then blooms brighter because of the struggle.

"Don't make it sound like I am holding him prisoner. He isn't a child, or helpless. Caleb is one of the most powerful mages in Wildemount. If he wanted, he would free himself...and besides, he came back. The spirit was willing," Essek says peevishly. Caduceus nods. It's true, he does neither of them credit, nor holds either truly responsible if he pretends that this strange fate is all under Essek's control.

"Besides...it's not just. It's not just for me, that I want him to live. Veth...Veth is getting frail now. He loves her so. She is one half of his heart, how could I not want to have him spend as much time with her as he can?" Essek looks away from him, so Caduceus presses a large warm hand onto his shoulder, squeezes softly. There isn't much to say, other then that Essek had been aggressively made aware that he should not make clones of anyone without consent again.

And the rest of the Mighty Nein had elected to live just the one life. And they had been magnificent lives, and they continued magnificent legacies. Their children and their children's children roamed the world, solving problems and causing them in equal measure.

Caduceus is glad that Clarabelle and her mate had settled in the grove to be the continued keepers, because he feels the wanderlust sometimes in the air. He needs to range far and wide, to see how his larger family fairs.

He needs to see Melora's works and gifts on a grand scale, and that is something no part of his mind could have conceived of when he was just a green sapling, determined to put his roots into the grove's grave soil and never buckle under the wind.

"And you. He loves you too. He loves all the children, and the students and the crews. It's ridiculous, Caduceus. He remembers their names, their birthdays. He remembers his own students, he even remembers mine. He holds so much love in him," Essek continues, plucking at an errant thread in his sleeve. He is hunched under Caduceus' firm grip and Caduceus automatically switches to breathing deep, slow. Essek unconsciously mirrors him a second later. He has not been a healer for centuries to let anxiety run out of hand.

"Caleb fought very hard to let love in again. You were a part of the process, as much as any of us, you know that. I think that we have maybe gotten a little riled up. I'll put on some tea," Caduceus says, moving away to bustle around the kitchen. Essek has never gained anything from self flagellation, his improvements have come from action and boundary setting.

Things like 'no more trading obscenely magical artefacts to corrupt powers for monopoly on research,' or 'stop hiring spies to keep tabs on us just because you are worried about our wellbeing. Just be normal. Send a message, or visit in person.' 

The spy had been a sticking point, because Beau had been oddly charmed by it. She had liked him needing to see them. Caduceus still thinks of her joyful little 'Haha! Fucker's just as co-dependant as the rest of us. That rules!" And the full body groan that Fjord had let out.

Essek sits, pretending badly that he is not watching Caleb and the children play on the grass outside, and drinks the tea. It's a favourite, dramatic and earthy, like the woman who is it's mother. Yasha's tea that he makes in a clear crystal teapot, because its the unfurling of a massive, beautiful, full flower that the tea comes from. 

They both watch the flower steep, listen to the distant squawks, Caleb's gentle tone lilting over them occasionally.

"Do you...have I damaged our relationship too far? Caleb and I, we are a different thing, but you are dear to me, very much so," Essek says, breaking the silence and oh, thinks Caduceus, oh here it is. Here is that thought that Essek needs to have, how do his actions affect other people outside of the immediate and does he care?

"I will never be comfortable with your action. I may understand it, and I am truly happy to see Caleb live as long as I, because I love him, but that doesn't change my feelings. And those feelings don't mean I have stopped loving you, either of you. You are my family, after all," Caduceus says, and does the gracious thing of looking away as Essek blinks away a tear.

"Honestly?" He presses, and Caduceus just laughs, smiles the first untainted smile he has at Essek since their visit began.

"Honest. What is a little necromancy, in comparison to family?" Caduceus raises an eyebrow at Essek, who laughs and laughs. It's not that funny a joke, but the tension is gone.

It's true though. Caduceus had thought himself a stalwart tree in the storm, but he's bent so much for love. He'll work through his own feelings, and watch Essek closer than before. It's his duty, as the Wildmother's cleric, as a member of the Mighty Nein, as Essek's family. A joyful, complicated duty that the Mother gifted him, and he's been blessed by.

Caleb sticks his head through the open window, one large, gurgling grey and pink furred baby on his hip. 

"Caterina is asking for dunamancy displays, and I did not think to prepare low level things to impress a child with. Essek, would you?" Caleb asks. There are no wrinkles around his eyes, no deep, nothing visibly aged before his time. No spidersilk of scars across his forearms, nor freckles gained from the collective years he had once spent on the sea.

It had, during Fjord's life, not been unusual for Caleb to take months longs journeys with the crew, hunting down rumours of lost magic, or hunting down those that would do harm, shoulder to shoulder with Grand Expositor and Head Archivist of the first Xhorhasian branch of the Cobalt Soul, Beauregard Nydoorin. 

Caduceus watches Caleb whose body will never know the touch of Mighty Nein, other then his own and Veth's and he grieves a little.

His own grief surprises him now and then. He tends their bodies, their gardens every day. And one day he will become the earth alongside them. They will never be apart.

But still, he longs to hear Jester's singsong tones, sending a message to a poor unsuspecting soul. Dreams of Yasha's soft huff of laughter that surprises even herself, dreams of Fjord's face, struck with buyer's remorse, and Fjord's face as he summons Star-Razor for the very first time.

He thinks of Beau, brash and bold and desperately in love with each and every one of them, how knowing Beau taught him beyond anything else that love could save a person. 

Caduceus always tries to practise what he preaches, to varying levels of success. Despite it all, he cannot begrudge Essek the remaking of Caleb's body, the continuation of that precious life. If it had been any of the other's wills, he would have worked to do the same. And that comes as a surprising revelation, but one he will have to sit with.

"You might have a wizard in your midst," Caleb says, redirecting Caduceus' gaze to Essek and his niece, who is enchanted by the thin tendrils of shadow in Essek's hands. Her mouth is open and she's silently whispering along with Essek. It's a little eerie, and very sweet.

"Well how bout that. I don't think we've ever had a wizard in the Clay family before. That's really nice. Traditionally, we are not big readers," Caduceus reaches over to take the baby from a slightly winded Caleb.

Even for firbolgs, Clarabelle's children are large. She's very proud, claims that the regular snacks of Aeor born fungus Caduceus had brought back all those years ago had gifted her these enormous children.

He likes the thought of his gangly niece Caterina floating around the gilded halls of Caleb and Essek's school. It had been a small thing, an experiment of international magical learning. 150 years ago, it boasted ten graduates, none of them highborn, because which noble would risk their child having their reputation tainted? Those ten had become magical juggernauts in their own right, and now, the school is a college to rival any in the world.

Teaching has always suited Caleb, the celebration of knowledge is central to him. And teaching saved Essek, a man who once brought nations to battlefront for access to knowledge.

Redemption is not a destination, it is a journey, and Caduceus will try his best not to begrudge Essek's sidestep. All time with the Nein is a gift, no matter how strange the process of gift giving.

"She's got the knack. I know she's young, but sometimes you can just see it," Caleb enthuses. And there, there is the man he knows. He's inhabiting the body of a man barely grown, but his soul and heart are true. Even though this is the third time he's witnessed this transformation, the uneasiness lingers until he sees Caleb's truths appear. He can be at peace.

"Clarabelle is visiting the Guiatao tribe right now, but she'll be back in a few days. Stay, spend some time with her, and then talk to Clara. She'll be overjoyed, I think," Caduceus offers, and stands still as Caleb carefully, always carefully moves into his personal space and gently hugs him.

The baby kicks a chubby leg at them both and demands attention as they both quickly refocus.

"Herr Clay, danke. I know...I know this challenges you," Caleb waves roughly to indicate his body, "and it does, it does challenge me too. But I'm a selfish man. I will take the challenge if it means I get to be with him, and to be alongside you...and Veth," Caleb finishes quietly. 

Losing any of the Nein to the grave had rocked the standing members, but now they are the only three and it is Caleb and Veth. Soulmates in almost every way two people could be.

He's prepared to be a little manipulative himself, claim Caterina needs at home training before heading to school if it means he can keep an eye on Caleb for the immediate months after Veth returns to the earth. Both Essek and Caleb will see through it instantly and still come, out of love.

"Love can be selfish, but that doesn't mean it's wrong. I can't pretend I am not entirely unselfish either, Mr Caleb," Caduceus says, as he puts the baby on the oversized cushion she has taken to napping in. She's alert but silent now, watching them both. A true Clay, thinks Caduceus with a bit of amusement. She wants to observe it all.

"I'm so glad I have you to be selfish with," Caleb says softly, and his young face, too young for his solemn expression warms Caduceus in his belly and his heart. Even a gift with strange origins is a gift from the Wildmother, after all. 

"As long as I walk the Mother's earth and beyond that, I'll be here to be selfish about love with you. We all are," Caduceus affirms. It's perhaps too serious, but Caleb is a complication of introversion but a hankering for dramatic displays and deep running rivers of emotion underpinning both. He appreciates a little dramatic sincerity, Caduceus is sure.

"The Mighty Nein is pretty dope, " Caleb says, and doesn't stumble over the word. They both laugh loud enough to irritate the baby, and then settle.

"Speaking of selfish and love, I'm going to rescue my husband from the grasp of our young prodigy," Caleb says dryly. Caduceus nods, watches him walk with purpose.

Caleb is blushing a little, body too young to control it, as Essek turns to him, the ocean to the moons' gravitational pull, and kisses him, heedless of three different Clay stares.

Ahh, that's nice, thinks Caduceus and he lets himself grieve a moment more, love in his heart.


End file.
